It is what it is

 

What makes us overthink? I took myself as someone who never did any crucial thinking, who was constantly cheerful, joyful, and all kinds of happy happy words that there can be. It never mattered when someone got angry with me because I was just being me, being carefree. I giggle now thinking about how my classmate cried because I laughed when she got angry at me. Perhaps I was insensitive but really, the argument was unreasonable. At least that’s what we think, that people are unreasonable with their outbursts but it’s cool when you do it. 

I learned that was solely because I was constantly occupied in some way or the other. There was no time to think about small matters. Being indulged in the pressing matters, or yet chilling with the things or people that meant the most to me somehow brought the sunshine in me. I sort of lived in my little fluffy cloud mind, some would say I lived under a rock because I was oblivious, under a rock with a ray of sunshine falling on a tiny sapling. I thought or at least hoped that I was growing with that ray of sunshine but I was wrong.

 Of course, I know it’s cliché to talk about how an NRI would feel after leaving their home, packing up memories of 18 years, and shift to the other “home” which is not quite home to us. But yes, it took a hit, I might have forgotten to pack the fluffy cloud part of my mind. As I look back now, leaving that fluffy cloud was for good because that was the rock, maybe my rock, but leaving that let in more sunshine rays, hurting the tiny plant’s skin yet giving it the nutrients it needed.

It never bothered me what each useless element can do to my mind.  How people saw me as an individual, do people trash talk about me, am I a gossip story, did I mean anything to anyone, was I even worth someone’s effort; none of these questions bothered me. Well, the tables have turned. Lockdown has made me use some parts of my head that I never did. That's right, overthinking. I got to say, it wasn’t pretty. Scrutinizing each memory or possibility, it kinda took a bad turn. But you know what, let's put this ferocious power into some good use. I thought it would be cool to aspire to make art out of it. A shattered glass might seem useless to many, but little did they know that they too are beautiful, maybe even more than its original form. Bring them together, form a different shape, paint as you would paint the town, make it new, make it your very own creation, your way. 

“Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way”- that’s what Frank Sinatra wrote.

As a friend of mine suggested, take the positive side to it, pull the damn reverse card on it. Doesn’t matter how hard it is going to be because it is going to be tough, just like how I started writing this, I never thought I would go through it but I did; I put together the shattered glass even though it took 5 to 10 drafts. That's how we can take a look through the prism and see the rainbow.